Bad Memories
by Brook18
Summary: Oneshot. Amelia helps Arizona on a delivery in the ER and they find out something is wrong with the baby. The birth brings back bad memories for Amelia and she runs off, with Meredith in tow. Only Owen knows how to help her through.


As Amelia Shepherd walked into the ER, responding to a page she'd received a few minutes prior, she immediately noticed Arizona Robbins waving her over. She quickly walked toward the exam room and Arizona joined her outside.

"Robbins, what do you need?" Amelia asked, taking in Arizona's solemn look. "Twentyeight year old female, Jane Marly, a couple of hours into labor. I've been taking a look via ultrasound and I think there might be something wrong but I can't determine what. Could you take a look?" Arizona responded.

The two doctors went into the room together and Amelia made her way over to the ultrasound machine. "Good morning misses Marley, I'm doctor Shepherd, I'm going to take a quick look at you ultrasound" She directed at the patient while she put on gloves.

Misses Marley was looking far from relaxed and she protectively held a hand across her baby bump. "What's wrong? Is something wrong with my baby? Please tell me what's going on!" She exclaimed, voice laced with panic.

"Please Jane, try to relax, I'm gonna try and figure it out okay? Just give me a minute" Amelia said calmly and she placed the ultrasound gel on the patient's stomach. It took only a second of moving around the probe for Amelia to realise what was wrong and her heart instantly started aching.

Keeping her face straight as to not to worry the patient she motioned for Arizona to follow her into a corner so she could share her findings. "The baby has not frontal lobe" Amelia whispered, still keeping her face in check but now more so that Arizona wouldn't notice her heartache.

Arizona, ever the smiling peds surgeon, kept her smile in place. "He's anencephalic?" She asked, and Amelia had to choke down a sob at the all too familiar term. Then she nodded and explained, "There's nothing I can do.. I… A baby without a frontal lobe has no chance of living. I'm sorry".

The smile on Arizona's face faltered slightly and she turned to look at Jane. The woman was visibly terrified as she awaited the verdict. "Could you stay and check the baby out after delivery?" Arizona whispered over her shoulder to Amelia, who stood frozen in place.

At that moment, before Arizona had a chance to notice Amelia's distress, Jane spoke up. "Please" She pleaded, "Tell me what's wrong".

Arizona moved over to the bed and sat down on the edge, taking Jane's hand in hers. "I'm so sorry Jane, it seems like your baby is missing a vital part of his brain". Tears started streaming down the patient's face and Amelia felt her eyes water at the sight of it.

"What does that mean?!" Jane shrieked, "What are you saying?". Arizona took a deep steadying breath and looked her in the eye, "It means that your baby is going to die pretty soon after delivery. I'm so very sorry".

Amelia's heart broke as Jane started sobbing. "No, no, no, it can't be! Please, please tell me it's not true! Please!" she begged and Arizona took her into her arms as she cried. "I'm so, so sorry" Arizona said, "But I need you to start pushing now, before the delay starts endangering your health".

Frantically shaking her head, the patient pulled away again. "I can't! It's not fair! I need Robin! Where's Robin? Where's my husband?" Jane yelled, and the pleas finally spurred Amelia into actions.

"I know it's hard, but you have to push, okay? Let dr. Robbins do her job" Amelia said as she reached the patient's side and took her hand. Jane stopped sobbing, though there were still tears running down her cheeks, and nodded slightly.

At her approval Arizona got everything ready for delivery and then instructed Jane to push. "I don't think I can do this" Jane whispered as she looked at Amelia, but Amelia smiled encouragingly. "Yes you can" She said, "I know it's hard, but you can do this, I'm right here".

When the baby was born minutes later, Amelia had to look away. She couldn't stand having to look at an anencephalic baby again, not when it brought back so many memories of her own child.

"He's not crying! Why isn't he crying?" Jane yelled and Amelia answered her, "Because your baby has no frontal lobe, and babies without a frontal lobe can't cry". She remember the squeaking sound her son had made and hoped to god she wouldn't have to hear it again.

Jane started crying again and Arizona brought the baby over to her. "Do you wanna hold him?" Arizona asked, and Jane nodded.

Amelia backed away from the bed. She hadn't wanted to see. Never again had she wanted to be reminded of the horrors of her own pregnancy, of the death of her baby boy. And now she'd seen. It wasn't as obvious at it had been with her baby, because this boy was only missing his frontal lobe, but it was still clear that there was something missing.

As she stumbled toward the door Amelia did her best not to look at the crying mother any longer. "I have to go" She said to no one in particular, and before Arizona even had the chance to fire of any questions she was speeding down the halls of the hospital.

Not looking where she was going, Amelia bumped into Meredith when she rounded a corner a few seconds later. She sped on but her sister in law had noticed the upset look on her face and followed suit.

"Amelia, what's going on?"Meredith asked, but Amelia merely shook her head and kept going, looking down to the ground.

They reached a quieter part of the hospital a minute later and Amelia shot into an on call room, finally coming to a stop when she was standing in the center of the room. Her hands found her way to her hair and she was close to hyperventilating.

Meredith trailed behind Amelia but kept her distance when she noticed her stance. "Amelia" She said and she walked around Amelia to face her sister in law, "tell me what's wrong".

"I'm fine" Amelia immediately retorted even though she clearly wasn't. Meredith decided to push her for more, "Amelia", she said, more insistently this time. "Just.. just give me a minute" Amelia whispered as she tried to calm her breathing.

Her hands were still in her hair and Meredith was getting increasingly worried. "Amelia, how can I help?" She asked. Amelia finally looked up at met her eye. "Get me Owen. Could you please just.. Get me Owen? I'll explain everything later, it's just.. right now I need Owen" Amelia replied.

The two sisters in law had gotten closer over the past few months, but right now Amelia couldn't spend time explaining what was wrong and Meredith wouldn't understand without further information. Owen however knew, and they'd gradually continued their relationship so Amelia knew he'd want to help. Hell, he'd wanted her to feel.

Fortunately Meredith understood that she wouldn't be able to do anything else and so she quickly ran out to go and call Owen.

Five minutes later Owen burst through the door, causing Amelia to turn around. Meredith had paged him 911 instead of simply calling and he'd ran all the way. Upon noticing the look on Amelia's face he took the two steps that still separated them and met her eye.

"Amelia, talk to me" He said, desperately wanting to know what was wrong and wanting to help her. As soon as Amelia heard his voice she broke down crying and clung to him like he was her only lifeline. Owen just held her and stroked her hair as she cradled her head into his neck.

Owen's scrub top was turning wet from all her tears and Amelia tried to calm herself. "I just helped Arizona deliver an anencephalic baby" She choked out in between sobs. Owen knew about her son and so he just held her closer, whispering calming words into her ear.

He didn't know what else to do. He was happy that she was finally properly feeling, ecstatic that she'd decided to let him in, but it broke his heart to see her this way. The memories that had surfaced today were obviously painful for her to remember.

When her sobs finally subsided and Amelia felt like she could stop crying, she looked up and met Owen's gaze. He was looking at her so full of love and admiration that she could hardly stand it. "I'm sorry" She said, "About all this.. about my crazy".

He swiftly shook his head and cupped her face with his hands. "Don't ever apologize for feeling Amelia" He said sincerely, "I'm just glad that you came and talked to me. I'm sorry that you had to go through all of this. But you're so strong, and I'm so proud of you".

Her eyes teared up again but she didn't cry. Instead she smiled weakly. "Thank you Owen, for being there" She said. Owen smiled, "Anytime", and kissed her lips lightly. Amelia leaned into his touch momentarily but then she pulled away again.

"I have to go" She said, "talk to that patient. Apologize. Maybe help her make a decision about organ donation". Her strength was immeasurable and Owen stroked her hair. "Okay, but come find me after okay? We'll leave early and have dinner".

Amelia smiled again, this time more broadly. "I will. See you soon". With one last peck she moved away from him and towards the door.

Owen couldn't help but look at her in admiration. She was so strong. She'd survived so much heartache. She thrived, she lived, and she was so beautiful, inside and out. As she walked to the door he spoke up. "You amaze me Amelia Shepherd".

She stopped with her hand on the door handle and turned to face him, a smile on her lips that lit up the entire room. "You're not so bad yourself" She joked, and with that, she was was out the door.

 **AN: This was based on a prompt I got on tumblr ( .com) and I figured I'd both post it there and here :) Plus it's a nice addition to Owelia week. Let me know what you think! Xx**


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